The Untitled Post

You are here. Where is here? Does it matter? You are standing on a platform of some sort, in an endless black abyss, a void, if you will.

You see a figure, slouched over, in the distance. You cannot perceive any of its features, and the figure itself is only a small speck in the void, black over black.

Slowly, the illusion of a person gets up, turns to you. Even more slowly, you see it closing the distance separating you, until it gets close enough to distinguish its face. Yet it seems indescribable, and every time you try to place a name you've remembered for any of its feature, it slips from your grasp, akin to water in cloth.

Finally, the figure stands on the same platform you do; You feel you should know who this figure is, but the words are trapped inside your mind, screaming a silent name that burns you through, consuming you, setting your very soul ablaze, until finally, in a small movement of what seems to be its mouth, opens, and releases the dreaded words...

"HOLY SHIT, I'm still alive you guys!"

You fall.

Hi!

Hello new people from Geeks Next Door! Possibly. I mean, you guys are from Geeks Next Door, right?

So hum...

The weather... Yeah.

Ohgodidontknowwhattosay.

Come back later?

Scratch The Last Post, It Was Crap.

Seriously, just pretend it isn't there or something. I don't care.

I know though, you're all wondering "Oh so wonderful and perfect being, what have you been up to recently?" Well it isn't any of your damn business that's what I've been up to!

Actually, I've been going to school so I don't get stuck working in fast foods for the rest of my life, that's why I'm up to. So to calm all of you non-existant people down, have some sketches.

Hmm, whatever could those sketches be about..? Most suspicious...

Is This The Fabled Religion Offensive Post?

Why, yes it is. It quite is.

*cough*

Yeah.

Okay, enough faffing about. Let me just lay it out for you plain and simple; Each and every single religion existing in the world is bullshit. They all come from a need to instill a fear inside the masses so they keep in line just like the little sheep they are. And you know what? It works. It's completly demented, but it works. One would think that since we're told God lives in the great blue sky, it'd pretty much void His existance when we launch rockets straight through His face since the 60's, or that since we now know electricity is a product of nature and we can harness it with science it would void it coming from God.

Or, again, that since we now know there was a HUGE process called evolution that spawned us and not massive inbreeding between Adam, Eve and their sons, you'd think we'd have managed to outgrow religion as a whole. Alas, not.

Don't get me wrong, I also despise atheism. But only because being atheist implies there's a God but you just refuse to believe in it.

So, now you're probably wondering what exactly I am (the answer is no), but there isn't exactly a concrete description. I'd say probably a Meliever. A believer in me.

Because I'm more awesome than any and all idea of a God. Because I'm real.

Let Us Forget This Adventure And Talk For A While

As the title of this post may indicate, it is not a post about the ongoing adventure of Indiana Jones, relic hunter or whatever. Oh wait, that's not mine. Anyway, you know what I'm talking about. This thing is totally making me a e-celibrity. Or would that rather be iCelebrity?

Regardless, now that the sarcasm is out of my system for the next ten seconds, I can actually talk about something I want. And no, it isn't something incredibly meaningful or something else taken from a newspaper headline. No, today I don't feel that I should throw my opinions on you like an excess bile, covering you head to toe with something unappreciated and that will make you doubt I'm a decent human being anymore.

No, today I shall only do exactly what I just said I wouldn't do. Aren't I the comedian?

One of my close friend keeps pestering me about my blog. Not so that I update more, no, there is another friend of mine to do that. No, that one keeps pestering me about doing this in my native langage, which is French, of course. But you know that already, since you obviously went and read my bio saying where I come from. Hint; it might be Québec.

But that's straying from the point at hand. Said friend keeps pestering me about talking normally and being proud of where I come from, when I'm probably the proudest person in the group to have been born here. Sure, everything is shit, but it's the shit I grew up in and I'll be damned if I let someone take a shit over that.

Again I strayed from my point, but I'll let it be known here the reason why I do this, for the curious and also for my friend, because I'm tired of typing the same damn thing over and over again while I could just type it once here and just hotlink that whenever I need to make him shut up. The sole reason why I use English instead of French is because I'm more confortable around the former than I am with the latter.

Does it sound stupid? Well fuck you if it does, you probably go to high school or a state college anyway so your opinion is void. I use English out of respect for French, because I don't give a damn about English. You've probably noticed there are a lot of mistakes in all of my articles, right? Well that because I never proofread any of these. I just don't care. In fact, I'm pretty sure that "proofread" isn't spelled like this, and that English and French when said as if they are langages don't take capital letters.

However, if I were to do mistakes like these in French, I'd probably behead myself just to avoid dishonoring it any further. Okay, maybe not, but I'd probably spend the next month or so changing every spelling mistake I find, any wrong wording and any Anglicismes and Québecisme , just for the heck of doing it.

Do you now want to know why I threat English like that? It's even more simple than the French thing, I assure you. I'm a God in English, that's simply it. I know it contradicts what I said about not knowing bla bla bla and whatever, but in my last year of high school I did a grand total of zero thing for my english class outside of the actual class itself, oral presentations included, and I still managed to pass with a low 100% average in it. If there's any doubt left in you, well you're not worth convincing. Go away, the world hates you now. Yes, the world includes your mother, and every relative you can think of. Your dog/cat/ferret/inguana/pet hobo too.

But to sum it up in a stupid way, so that the average idiot passing by this blog may understand, both those langages are like girls. English is the slutty whore who every person on earth passed through and whom I have no respect of, and never will, but she wants me so hard that I use her just like anyone else would, while French is the respectable, witty, intelligent, gorgeous woman who you'd do anything to help please, and would kill any that offend her.

Well, I'm done for tonight. I already have in my head the idea for a next post, and it's going to offend religious people this time around! I can't wait for all the happy emails!

An Adventure - Part 3

After walking for quite a number of days, my footsteps brung me to the splendid town of Terebia. The people here fascinated me, not only because of their incredible mass, but also because of the sheer variety there was. The village I grew up in seemed so small now, in comparison. But, even with this town being quite larger than the village of Lugzav, I did not see any other adventurer wandering around. However, when I found  myself at the town center, a rather large crowd was gathered and cowering, of what however, I did not know. I made my way across the mass of people, and instantly wished I hadn't.

The sight was horrific, a countless number of bodies, disemboweled, beheaded, and completly mangled laid in the morning sun, spreading an horrible stench through the air that hit my nostrils and made me want to spew my innards all over the place.

I, however, had no time for such luxury. I saw the wicked fiend that had caused all this carnage, standing in the middle of his morbid work of art, daring anybody else to come forth and challenge him, and perhaps manage to defeat him and gain all of the belongings he possessed, meaning all that he had won by slaughtering the peasants of this poor defenceless town.

My rage, at that point, seemed to know no bound. I roared to that inhuman spawn that I would be the one to vainquish him, and make him suffer a fate worse than the one he'd inflicted to those villagers. The villain then cackled like a madman, before abruptly stopping and charging me with his two swords forward. In a single fluid motion, I lifted my shield and lowered my mace, letting me hit the former, before letting the latter come back in an arc, hitting him right in the groin. The blood gushed out of his genitalia, mixing itself with the one already staining the ground.

I put my mace and shield aside, and grabbed the swords of the madman. I put them both under his neck, placing them crossed. I sneered at him, while he looked at me in pity, and I brung both sabers apart, killing that man.

The villagers had all fled. I was the fiend now.

And I liked every bit of it.

-----

Woah, intense chapter, isn't it? Also, I kept my promise! Yay for me!

In Which The Author Lives, Unfortunatly

So, here I am, after I don't know how long not posting anything. No one should care though, so I'm good.

Tommorow night (Note that this is an actual promise), I'll be doing the next "chapter" of the story that had been left hanging. Just wanted to tell people to COMMENT, and to make SERIOUS ones. Quite frankly, I'll just keep updating the story the way I want until that happens. And of it ends without anybody having commented, or made serious comments, well it sucks for you.

Anyway, that was all. If you can spot the reference to a good book in this post, you win mad rabbits pouncing you in the face.*

*Note: No actual rabbits will pounce you in the face.