Let Us Forget This Adventure And Talk For A While

As the title of this post may indicate, it is not a post about the ongoing adventure of Indiana Jones, relic hunter or whatever. Oh wait, that's not mine. Anyway, you know what I'm talking about. This thing is totally making me a e-celibrity. Or would that rather be iCelebrity?

Regardless, now that the sarcasm is out of my system for the next ten seconds, I can actually talk about something I want. And no, it isn't something incredibly meaningful or something else taken from a newspaper headline. No, today I don't feel that I should throw my opinions on you like an excess bile, covering you head to toe with something unappreciated and that will make you doubt I'm a decent human being anymore.

No, today I shall only do exactly what I just said I wouldn't do. Aren't I the comedian?

One of my close friend keeps pestering me about my blog. Not so that I update more, no, there is another friend of mine to do that. No, that one keeps pestering me about doing this in my native langage, which is French, of course. But you know that already, since you obviously went and read my bio saying where I come from. Hint; it might be Québec.

But that's straying from the point at hand. Said friend keeps pestering me about talking normally and being proud of where I come from, when I'm probably the proudest person in the group to have been born here. Sure, everything is shit, but it's the shit I grew up in and I'll be damned if I let someone take a shit over that.

Again I strayed from my point, but I'll let it be known here the reason why I do this, for the curious and also for my friend, because I'm tired of typing the same damn thing over and over again while I could just type it once here and just hotlink that whenever I need to make him shut up. The sole reason why I use English instead of French is because I'm more confortable around the former than I am with the latter.

Does it sound stupid? Well fuck you if it does, you probably go to high school or a state college anyway so your opinion is void. I use English out of respect for French, because I don't give a damn about English. You've probably noticed there are a lot of mistakes in all of my articles, right? Well that because I never proofread any of these. I just don't care. In fact, I'm pretty sure that "proofread" isn't spelled like this, and that English and French when said as if they are langages don't take capital letters.

However, if I were to do mistakes like these in French, I'd probably behead myself just to avoid dishonoring it any further. Okay, maybe not, but I'd probably spend the next month or so changing every spelling mistake I find, any wrong wording and any Anglicismes and Québecisme , just for the heck of doing it.

Do you now want to know why I threat English like that? It's even more simple than the French thing, I assure you. I'm a God in English, that's simply it. I know it contradicts what I said about not knowing bla bla bla and whatever, but in my last year of high school I did a grand total of zero thing for my english class outside of the actual class itself, oral presentations included, and I still managed to pass with a low 100% average in it. If there's any doubt left in you, well you're not worth convincing. Go away, the world hates you now. Yes, the world includes your mother, and every relative you can think of. Your dog/cat/ferret/inguana/pet hobo too.

But to sum it up in a stupid way, so that the average idiot passing by this blog may understand, both those langages are like girls. English is the slutty whore who every person on earth passed through and whom I have no respect of, and never will, but she wants me so hard that I use her just like anyone else would, while French is the respectable, witty, intelligent, gorgeous woman who you'd do anything to help please, and would kill any that offend her.

Well, I'm done for tonight. I already have in my head the idea for a next post, and it's going to offend religious people this time around! I can't wait for all the happy emails!

An Adventure - Part 3

After walking for quite a number of days, my footsteps brung me to the splendid town of Terebia. The people here fascinated me, not only because of their incredible mass, but also because of the sheer variety there was. The village I grew up in seemed so small now, in comparison. But, even with this town being quite larger than the village of Lugzav, I did not see any other adventurer wandering around. However, when I found  myself at the town center, a rather large crowd was gathered and cowering, of what however, I did not know. I made my way across the mass of people, and instantly wished I hadn't.

The sight was horrific, a countless number of bodies, disemboweled, beheaded, and completly mangled laid in the morning sun, spreading an horrible stench through the air that hit my nostrils and made me want to spew my innards all over the place.

I, however, had no time for such luxury. I saw the wicked fiend that had caused all this carnage, standing in the middle of his morbid work of art, daring anybody else to come forth and challenge him, and perhaps manage to defeat him and gain all of the belongings he possessed, meaning all that he had won by slaughtering the peasants of this poor defenceless town.

My rage, at that point, seemed to know no bound. I roared to that inhuman spawn that I would be the one to vainquish him, and make him suffer a fate worse than the one he'd inflicted to those villagers. The villain then cackled like a madman, before abruptly stopping and charging me with his two swords forward. In a single fluid motion, I lifted my shield and lowered my mace, letting me hit the former, before letting the latter come back in an arc, hitting him right in the groin. The blood gushed out of his genitalia, mixing itself with the one already staining the ground.

I put my mace and shield aside, and grabbed the swords of the madman. I put them both under his neck, placing them crossed. I sneered at him, while he looked at me in pity, and I brung both sabers apart, killing that man.

The villagers had all fled. I was the fiend now.

And I liked every bit of it.

-----

Woah, intense chapter, isn't it? Also, I kept my promise! Yay for me!

In Which The Author Lives, Unfortunatly

So, here I am, after I don't know how long not posting anything. No one should care though, so I'm good.

Tommorow night (Note that this is an actual promise), I'll be doing the next "chapter" of the story that had been left hanging. Just wanted to tell people to COMMENT, and to make SERIOUS ones. Quite frankly, I'll just keep updating the story the way I want until that happens. And of it ends without anybody having commented, or made serious comments, well it sucks for you.

Anyway, that was all. If you can spot the reference to a good book in this post, you win mad rabbits pouncing you in the face.*

*Note: No actual rabbits will pounce you in the face.