Hi!

Hello new people from Geeks Next Door! Possibly. I mean, you guys are from Geeks Next Door, right?

So hum...

The weather... Yeah.

Ohgodidontknowwhattosay.

Come back later?

Scratch The Last Post, It Was Crap.

Seriously, just pretend it isn't there or something. I don't care.

I know though, you're all wondering "Oh so wonderful and perfect being, what have you been up to recently?" Well it isn't any of your damn business that's what I've been up to!

Actually, I've been going to school so I don't get stuck working in fast foods for the rest of my life, that's why I'm up to. So to calm all of you non-existant people down, have some sketches.

Hmm, whatever could those sketches be about..? Most suspicious...

Is This The Fabled Religion Offensive Post?

Why, yes it is. It quite is.

*cough*

Yeah.

Okay, enough faffing about. Let me just lay it out for you plain and simple; Each and every single religion existing in the world is bullshit. They all come from a need to instill a fear inside the masses so they keep in line just like the little sheep they are. And you know what? It works. It's completly demented, but it works. One would think that since we're told God lives in the great blue sky, it'd pretty much void His existance when we launch rockets straight through His face since the 60's, or that since we now know electricity is a product of nature and we can harness it with science it would void it coming from God.

Or, again, that since we now know there was a HUGE process called evolution that spawned us and not massive inbreeding between Adam, Eve and their sons, you'd think we'd have managed to outgrow religion as a whole. Alas, not.

Don't get me wrong, I also despise atheism. But only because being atheist implies there's a God but you just refuse to believe in it.

So, now you're probably wondering what exactly I am (the answer is no), but there isn't exactly a concrete description. I'd say probably a Meliever. A believer in me.

Because I'm more awesome than any and all idea of a God. Because I'm real.

Let Us Forget This Adventure And Talk For A While

As the title of this post may indicate, it is not a post about the ongoing adventure of Indiana Jones, relic hunter or whatever. Oh wait, that's not mine. Anyway, you know what I'm talking about. This thing is totally making me a e-celibrity. Or would that rather be iCelebrity?

Regardless, now that the sarcasm is out of my system for the next ten seconds, I can actually talk about something I want. And no, it isn't something incredibly meaningful or something else taken from a newspaper headline. No, today I don't feel that I should throw my opinions on you like an excess bile, covering you head to toe with something unappreciated and that will make you doubt I'm a decent human being anymore.

No, today I shall only do exactly what I just said I wouldn't do. Aren't I the comedian?

One of my close friend keeps pestering me about my blog. Not so that I update more, no, there is another friend of mine to do that. No, that one keeps pestering me about doing this in my native langage, which is French, of course. But you know that already, since you obviously went and read my bio saying where I come from. Hint; it might be Québec.

But that's straying from the point at hand. Said friend keeps pestering me about talking normally and being proud of where I come from, when I'm probably the proudest person in the group to have been born here. Sure, everything is shit, but it's the shit I grew up in and I'll be damned if I let someone take a shit over that.

Again I strayed from my point, but I'll let it be known here the reason why I do this, for the curious and also for my friend, because I'm tired of typing the same damn thing over and over again while I could just type it once here and just hotlink that whenever I need to make him shut up. The sole reason why I use English instead of French is because I'm more confortable around the former than I am with the latter.

Does it sound stupid? Well fuck you if it does, you probably go to high school or a state college anyway so your opinion is void. I use English out of respect for French, because I don't give a damn about English. You've probably noticed there are a lot of mistakes in all of my articles, right? Well that because I never proofread any of these. I just don't care. In fact, I'm pretty sure that "proofread" isn't spelled like this, and that English and French when said as if they are langages don't take capital letters.

However, if I were to do mistakes like these in French, I'd probably behead myself just to avoid dishonoring it any further. Okay, maybe not, but I'd probably spend the next month or so changing every spelling mistake I find, any wrong wording and any Anglicismes and Québecisme , just for the heck of doing it.

Do you now want to know why I threat English like that? It's even more simple than the French thing, I assure you. I'm a God in English, that's simply it. I know it contradicts what I said about not knowing bla bla bla and whatever, but in my last year of high school I did a grand total of zero thing for my english class outside of the actual class itself, oral presentations included, and I still managed to pass with a low 100% average in it. If there's any doubt left in you, well you're not worth convincing. Go away, the world hates you now. Yes, the world includes your mother, and every relative you can think of. Your dog/cat/ferret/inguana/pet hobo too.

But to sum it up in a stupid way, so that the average idiot passing by this blog may understand, both those langages are like girls. English is the slutty whore who every person on earth passed through and whom I have no respect of, and never will, but she wants me so hard that I use her just like anyone else would, while French is the respectable, witty, intelligent, gorgeous woman who you'd do anything to help please, and would kill any that offend her.

Well, I'm done for tonight. I already have in my head the idea for a next post, and it's going to offend religious people this time around! I can't wait for all the happy emails!

An Adventure - Part 3

After walking for quite a number of days, my footsteps brung me to the splendid town of Terebia. The people here fascinated me, not only because of their incredible mass, but also because of the sheer variety there was. The village I grew up in seemed so small now, in comparison. But, even with this town being quite larger than the village of Lugzav, I did not see any other adventurer wandering around. However, when I found  myself at the town center, a rather large crowd was gathered and cowering, of what however, I did not know. I made my way across the mass of people, and instantly wished I hadn't.

The sight was horrific, a countless number of bodies, disemboweled, beheaded, and completly mangled laid in the morning sun, spreading an horrible stench through the air that hit my nostrils and made me want to spew my innards all over the place.

I, however, had no time for such luxury. I saw the wicked fiend that had caused all this carnage, standing in the middle of his morbid work of art, daring anybody else to come forth and challenge him, and perhaps manage to defeat him and gain all of the belongings he possessed, meaning all that he had won by slaughtering the peasants of this poor defenceless town.

My rage, at that point, seemed to know no bound. I roared to that inhuman spawn that I would be the one to vainquish him, and make him suffer a fate worse than the one he'd inflicted to those villagers. The villain then cackled like a madman, before abruptly stopping and charging me with his two swords forward. In a single fluid motion, I lifted my shield and lowered my mace, letting me hit the former, before letting the latter come back in an arc, hitting him right in the groin. The blood gushed out of his genitalia, mixing itself with the one already staining the ground.

I put my mace and shield aside, and grabbed the swords of the madman. I put them both under his neck, placing them crossed. I sneered at him, while he looked at me in pity, and I brung both sabers apart, killing that man.

The villagers had all fled. I was the fiend now.

And I liked every bit of it.

-----

Woah, intense chapter, isn't it? Also, I kept my promise! Yay for me!

In Which The Author Lives, Unfortunatly

So, here I am, after I don't know how long not posting anything. No one should care though, so I'm good.

Tommorow night (Note that this is an actual promise), I'll be doing the next "chapter" of the story that had been left hanging. Just wanted to tell people to COMMENT, and to make SERIOUS ones. Quite frankly, I'll just keep updating the story the way I want until that happens. And of it ends without anybody having commented, or made serious comments, well it sucks for you.

Anyway, that was all. If you can spot the reference to a good book in this post, you win mad rabbits pouncing you in the face.*

*Note: No actual rabbits will pounce you in the face.

An Adventure - Part 2

After thinking about my situation for a few moments,  I thought myself  slightly uncovered. All of the heros of old I ever heard about wore splendid, shining armor. And most importantly perhaps, these armors covered their whole body. The mere fraction armor I currently possessed would not be suffisant to my future endeavors. So, I figured this might as well be my first quest... Get some protection on me.

I kept trudging the path leading me far away from my village, eager to accomplish my first real action as an hero, even as fickle as that one thing might have seemed. I did not want to be known as a barbarian, but as a mighty warrior! 

I, however, did not have time to mull over this any longer. Sounds were to be heard all around me. Not too much no, but enough to arouse suspicion. Branches were cracking left and right, and it was not as disorganized as the sounds animals would make. I put myself in what I thought was a rather fine exemple of a battle stance, and prepared myself for the attack. So obviously, I just had to trip over something.

Then, the attack came over me.

There was 4 of them. Bandits, lowly no life thieves of the road. It was rather odd to attack me however, since the only things I had brought with me was my shield, mace, and ridiculous armor. The thought vanished quickly from my mind though, as I lifted my shield to block a blow from one of them. Quickly, I pushed all of my weight forward on the shield to imbalance the bandit and stun him for a few instants. Then, I quickly spun around , mace extended, to hit another one of my enemies square on the temple, killing him instantly. In another fluid motion, I jabbed at the unprotected stomach of the nearest one, blowing the wind out of him, and then disarmed the last one. Keeping my eye on all of them, I attacked the one I had just disarmed, killing him in a few blows to his skull. I then turned my attention to the first one that had attacked me. However, that vicious scoundrel was nowhere to be found. The coward had abandonned the field of battle, leaving his other bandit commarades alone with me, two of them already dead at that. I slowly turned around to the thief I had knocked the breath out of, to see that he was only getting to his knees. Getting to him, I pulled him by the shirt and told him to leave this here place at once, or suffer the same fate I'd just put his friends into. He nodded, only once, and as soon as I had released him he fled for his life faster than I had seen anyone do before.

I was quite impressed with myself. My first actual real battle, and I managed to get out unscathed... And if the shine I just had caught with my eye was not mere illusion, I also had completed my first quest. One of the bandit I killed had chain mail.

Maybe that adventure didn't start so bad after all.

---

Whew, a chapter done. And to answer a question I know will be asked if I don't answer now, no, I didn't follow Hawks idea. Why? Because I know him. He's such a damn fine joker... So his ideas don't count. Because I once followed his ideas, I got killed. It never healed quite right too, so I never do what he says now. Neither should you. Also, comment to tell me what he should do! If it's supposed to be interactive, I need people to interact! And I know people are reading and not commenting. You can't hide from me... I'm watching you all. ALL THE TIME.

Comment! :D

An Adventure Awaits

So, as of today I have decided to do a little adventure game. How, you may ask? Well, it's quite simple really. I've drawn a character, and as such, created him, and I gave him a little background story. He's a 19 years old blacksmith apprentice, completly tired of life in his old, boring village. As such, he crafted himself a small armor, mace and shield and set off on adventure.

Now for the actual rules part of the game. All I ask you is to tell me where you think he should go, should he change weapons, do evil things or good ones... Choice is yours. I get your comments and then based on what you all want and what is the most popular I'll work it all into a nice little chapter. There might be promptings at time for drastic changes; like him learning magical arts or something, I don't know. You'll see them though, don't worry. With that, let's begin with a little introduction.

Alone at last, on the roads. My mace in my left hand, my only weapon against every foe that I may encounter in my path, to slay them outright. The small shield I made myself from a barrel and some scrap metal, in my right hand, protecting me against the blows that may vainquish me. Leaving the village of Lugzav was the best decision I could have made in my life; Same life would have been worthless if I had spent more time dawdling longer there. Blacksmithing perhaps would've been enough to pay the taxes to our lord, and I could have kept enough as an aside to feed the childrens I'd have been forced to have, but it is no life for me.

I, Nataniel, am forged to be a hero. A mighty warrior, vainquishing foes by a single blow to their meat, gaining the respect of kings ans queens all over the land... That's my life.

Except one thing; I have no idea where I should go at all.

This does not start my journey in a pleasant manner.

On Webcomics

Anybody knowing me in real life know that my love for webcomics borders on obsessive, although many would very well say that it is in fact obsessive. As such, I want to discuss about webcomics.

It is infact very probably that everyone of you read at least one webcomic, be it casually or avidly, as it is my case, and as such probably don't know the world surounding it as much as others that read a great quantity of them. Like somebody reading 52 of them, let's say.

It's fucking complicated, let me tell you.

Sure, you're probably all saying "Meh, all you need is a webpage and an idea and then voilà, there it is, a webcomic." True, but also very false. There's a lot of things to consider when doing your comic, and then even if everything as been watched under every angle possible and under a microscope, your comic might still get absolutly no bloody readers at all. Any popular webcomic artist out there ( well, any popular one that isn't a dipshit ) will tell you that they just wanted to start a webcomic and when they did, they got popular without even asking for it. Some will even say that there are far more talented individuals out there and that it should be their webcomic they should be reading. Most often they just had a website and an idea. And now, if you have an attention span slightly longer than a goldfish's, you might be noticing that I just contradicted myself by saying the exact opposite than in the beginning of this paragraph.

No, I didn't. You're stupid. Also, shut up.

While it's true that you might not have any preparation at all and get popular anyway, you'll get a lot of haters in the meantime. If you want to be more loved than hated in the long term, be prepared.

So if you're prepared, you'll probably know what type of webcomic you want to do. There is an incredible amount of comics, and if you want one about the daily lives of sheeps in a noir movie setting, there's probably one out there. As such, I won't bother to list them all here, since it'd  take something like... oh, a small 4 or 5 hours. Go search for whatever you want.

Now, let's take a look at the artists/writers behind the comics. They come in all kinds and sizes, be it small, large, stupid, intelligent, moron, depressed, overconfident, furry, members of a nazi group, and also the kind of total idiot that goes flashing his dick to 10 years old, that dumbass im-tay uckley-bay. Should you know Pig Latin you'll know who talking about in the previous sentence. Then you can burn him. A lot. 

So as you may have guessed from that previous paragraph, there are less than intelligent people in the webcomic world that still somehow manage to get popular. Depressed people do NOT count as less than intelligent though. As such, there is many, oh so many bad comics out there that the shear (yes, that is a word) amount of it in printed form could probably overshadow Mt. Everest. Okay, I'm exagerrating, but it's at least enough to fill a large crater. Learn to differentiate them, it's really easy. If the comic pretends to be humor and you can read the whole archive without so much as a chuckle, there is something wrong! Stop reading that webcomic. Remove it from your bookmarks. Why are you still reading it?

There, much better.

Now, I'll leave you with a nice list that will not increase the traffic of those comics at all because I have no readers. Enjoy.

Note that they're lesser known comics too.

Slackerz

Falloup

Blip

By Moon Alone

...Aaaaand I'll leave it at that.

I Can Has Fedora?

I'm making a quick random post to let you know that I have an awesome black and white Fedora to call my own. I shall wear it and feed it and bath it and love him so.

And with him I shall rule the world.

Don't panic, he told me in a dream, so it can only be totally true. And since I'm fair and all I'll let Barack Obama still rule the United States. He's doing a great job so far and it can only be said that he'll keep doing so.

Thou Shall Not Apologize.

No updates for quite a while? Well, no apology there. Yeah. Totally not in apology now.

Fuck.

It's all that abortion post. It made me think... I don't want to do an abortion post. Oh, I tried, mind you. But dammit, all that resulted was this.

Yeah, I did a stupid pro-life image. I'm not even pro-life, for that guy's sake. I'm pro-people-closing-their-legs-and-suck-it-up-unless-it's-rape-or-something. But that's long to say. And boring. It's much better to copy Maddox and saying your pro-killing-babies. Yeah.

Well, I'm glad I put that out of the way. Maybe I can update more often now.

Oh, Aren't I Just Spoiling You.

I know the 2 reviewers/commenters I have right now might think I'm awful for not updating daily like the name of the blog indicate should be the schedule for updates, but there are many reasons why I don't do that, and will never do. Don't believe me? Let me explain.

First and foremost, if I ever did update daily, I'd be creatively burnt out in less than a week and I'd probably consider faking my gruesome death involving a butter knife just so I don't have to do this anymore. Second reason is.... Well, I don't want to update daily. It's a good way to gain readers, sure, but I don't care much about that. Okay, it's not all true, but I want readers that like my writing style and the ideas I have to say, not readers that are obsessive stalkers who want to know every tidbit of my life, since I very much enjoy my privacy and generally not being watched while I sleep. I think it's a tad creepy that there's people who'd want to do that, hence my lengthy explanation.

Well, that's it for now I guess. Next update will probably be that abortion post I said I'd do 5 days ago or something.

Wow, I got Commented.

And it's a good thing too. I did what, 3 posts? One of them wasn't even a real post, just me being forced to upload a post before working on the site's layout.

But anyway, back to the comment. It asked for my opinion on more actual events, so I say let's go with the most recent ones. ( By definition an actual event is recent, so my phrase is completly redundant. )

So, there were shootings in Germany and the US that happened in the same day. They did quite a number of deaths, I'm not sure how many but that doesn't actually matter. What matters in this is that I still saw dozens of people attempting to blame this on videogames. Can't they let this go? It's all very annoying. If anything, it delayed the shooters' mass murdering party of the dumb jocks that went to high school with them. And because they're dumb jocks, they were obviously still in high school, and would have been for another 10 years. But back to the delaying, it makes more sense. I mean, if you shoot people in videogames, it helps relieve the frustration felt in real life. Hell, it's the reason why most people play videogames in the beginning, to get away from those things that annoy them in the real world. Beating up textures attached to a mesh isn't going to make you able to beat up people in real life either.

See, pressing up a button to attack somebody is very far away from swinging your fist at someone's face to either miss, or hit them and break your hand while breaking their nose. Pressing a button is also far away from being able to work out a real life gun. It's made to be less intuitive than real life because if not, most people wouldn't be able to play the game. They'd need an instruction manual for every single thing featured in it. Just in Fallout 3, you learn medecine by upgrading your stat everytime you gain a level. If you had to learn how to cure stuff for real, it'd be more useful to just drop the game and go get a degree in medecine so at least you'd get a real achievement, not one that gives you useless gamerpoints or trophies.

It's also the reason why people in movies slash their wrist the "wrong" way. Not that there is a good way to slash your wrist, since suicide is dumb, but it's to make it as far away from real life as possible. Because that's what videogames are all about.

A fantasy.

(I strayed kinda far away from my main point, but I'll get better. I will probably do another rant on my stances later today. I'm thinking abortion, to alienate more people. )

Daily... Heh, right!

I thought I should at least try to live up to the daily pretence of my blog and post something today. So here I am, posting.

Here I am again, still posting.

Yet Still.

...Yep, still posting.

......Yeeeeeeeeeeeah. I'm still posting here.

I never remember the difference between feet and foot. I never remember which one is plural and which one is singular. Same goes for teeth and tooth.

...I think I'll stop posting riiiiiiight about... Now.

Or now. Who cares?

No Wait, Let's Do This More Seriously.

This is completly crazy, but I'm doing a blog now. All of my stupid and wacky antics are going to be there. For all the world to see.

Damn. Not that it matters, since I probably won't update daily and certainly won't spend every waking hour of the day doing this. How would I have wacky antics then?

Truth be told, I've been itching to do this for a while now. Even though there's an annoying little voice in the back of my head telling me I'm going to abandon it all when I'll close the browser and return to doing even less of my life than blogging, I had to start it. Perhaps that peticular itch will subside after a few days and then fade into nothing more than just that, an itch, or perhaps it will develop to be.... something. I can't really seem to find what the next logical step for an itch would be, but I'm sure I should bring it to medical attention if it ever happens. Who knows?

Also, I just switched from a figurative itch to a real one. Just in case you got confused by it all. (And have a negative IQ, but that wouldn't surprise me.) 

But to return to the main point of this post, it's a start. Not the best one, certainly not the prettiest one, but a start none the less. Let's hope the road ahead brings something good, be it for me or my (future) readers.

And just like that, I jinxed it.

Let's Start This.

Well, that wasn't too hard now.